Check Your Relationship

If you think you or someone you know might be in an abusive relationship, but aren't sure, answer the following questions:

1. Can you name at least five characteristics of your partner that you really admire and like?
2. Is your partner glad that you have other friends?
3. Does your partner ask for your opinion and respect it?
4. Do you consider your partner a friend?
5. Do you "act like yourself" when you are with your partner?
6. Does your partner check up on you or want you to say where you've been after you've been apart?
7. Have you ever seen your partner throw, hit, or break things when angry?
8. Does your partner ever pressure you for sex?
9. Does your partner ever put you down, either when you're alone or when you're out together?
10. Are you ever frightened by your partner's temper?
11. Do you ever find yourself apologizing for your partner's behavior?
12. Has your partner ever done or said anything to you that made you fear for your own safety, the safety of your child or a pet, or someone else's safety?

If you want to talk to someone confidentially about the answers to these questions, feel free to call us at 401.861.6191. You deserve to live your life free from abuse and to have a partner who is supportive and respectful. If you want to check out your relationship in more detail, continue to the following questions:

Take some time to explore the following specific questions about your relationship.
Do you:

13. Arrive late or miss work frequently?
14. Get excessive telephone calls at home or work from your partner?
15. Find it hard to get or keep a job or go to school?
16. Get stopped from taking medication you need or seeking medical help?
17. Feel afraid at home?
18. Get threatened with violence?
19. Ever get hit, kicked, or shoved?
20. Feel that you have no choice about how you spend your time, where you go, or what you wear?
21. Ask your partner for permission to make everyday decisions?
22. Feel bad about yourself because your partner calls you names, insults you, or puts you down?
23. Submit to sexual intercourse or engage in sexual acts against your will?
24. Accept your partner's decisions because you're afraid of his/her anger?
25. Change your behavior because you're afraid of the consequences of a fight?
26. Have limited access to money, bankbooks, checkbooks, financial statements, birth certificates, and passports?
27. Limit your time with your friends, relatives, neighbors, or co-workers because of your partner's demands or criticism of them?
28. Get accused unjustly of flirting with others or having affairs?
29. Ever get stopped from leaving the house?

Additionally:

30. Do arguments with your partner often end with someone being physically hurt?
31. Have you been injured during these fights?
32. Do you avoid your partner's anger to keep from making things worse?
33. Does your partner destroy things you care about such as pets, family photos, or clothes?
34. Does your partner ever threaten to hurt you when you disagree?
35. Do you have to ask permission for almost everything you do?
36. Does your partner often put you down?
37. Are you starting to believe what your partner says about you?
38. Have you ever been made to have sex when or in ways that you didn't want?
39. Are you prevented from seeing your friends or family, from getting a job, or from continuing your education?
40. Do you feel isolated or alone?
41. Are you afraid to tell anyone the truth about what is happening to you?

If you answered "yes" to any of these questions you may be in an abusive relationship. This is NOT your fault. You are NOT responsible for your partner's behavior. If you are in immediate danger, please go somewhere safe or call 911. If you are injured, please get proper medical attention and tell the doctor/nurse what happened to you. If you can, reach out to family, friends, or a trustworthy member of your community who can help give you the support you need.

You can also call Sojourner House at 401.861.6191 or the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at 800.799.SAFE (800.799.7233).

Source: Western Maryland Health System

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