Four Things You Really Need to Know

You are NOT alone.
Our society often glorifies violence (in movies, TV, books), but people who are abused remain isolated, so much so that they will not tell even their closest friends what is happening to them. Abusive people often isolate victims or threaten harm if anyone is told. It is easy to think that you are the only person in an abusive relationship. But there are many among us who are dealing with abuse.

If it feels scary, it's ABUSE.
If someone touches you in a personal way that feels scary, bad, or wrong to you, then it's abuse. If someone tries to make you do something you don't feel comfortable doing, even after you say so, then it's abuse. If someone tells you that you're stupid or childish or worthless because you won't do something that they want you to do, it's abuse. Abuse is always about the other person's need to control you. You have the right not to be abused.

The abuse is NOT your fault.
Everyone has heard the phrases, "You made me do it," or "You pressed my buttons," or "You need to learn who's boss." All too often an abuser will blame the victim for the abuse. The guilt trips and blame placed on victims of abuse are a tremendous burden and cause low self-esteem and poor self-image (after all, if someone puts you down all the time, you may start to believe it). Abusers are always responsible for their decisions and actions. Abuse is never the victim's fault.

Get some help and support for yourself.
Let's face it, there is a lot of pressure on all of us to be in a relationship. We socialize together in groups and hang out in couples, and sometimes we put pressure on other people or on ourselves to be in a relationship...as though we aren't okay if we are single. That's wrong.

Abusive relationships are not healthy. They stress us out. They take our energies away from ourselves and other people who we love. If you think you might be abused, talk about it with someone you trust - a family member, a friend - or call our
24-Hour Helplines at (401) 658-4334, (401) 765-3232, (401) 647-1514, or, during business hours, stop by our Advocacy & Resource Center located at 386 Smith Street, Providence or call (401) 861-6191. All calls and visits are private and confidential. Don't wait; you're worth it!

Adapted from: Preventing Teen Dating Violence, The Dating Violence Intervention Project, Cambridge MA

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