Warning Signs

This list identifies a series of behaviors typically demonstrated by batterers and abusive people. All of these forms of abuse - psychological, economic, and physical - come from the batterer's desire for power and control. The list can help you recognize if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship. Count those behaviors that apply to the relationship. The more that apply, the more dangerous the situation may be.

Emotional and Economic Attacks


1. Destructive Criticism/Verbal Attacks: Name-calling, mocking, accusing, blaming, yelling, swearing, making humiliating remarks or gestures.
2. Pressure Tactics: Rushing you to make decisions through "guilt-tripping" and other forms of intimidation, sulking, threatening to withhold money, manipulating the children, telling you what to do.
3. Abusing Authority: Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are "the truth"), telling you what to do, making big decisions using "logic."
4. Disrespect: Interrupting, changing topics, not listening or responding, twisting your words, putting you down in front of other people, saying bad things about your friends and family.
5. Abusing Trust: Lying, withholding information, cheating on you, being overly jealous.
6. Emotional Withholding: Not expressing feelings, not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights, or opinions.
7. Minimizing, Denying & Blaming: Making light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously, saying the abuse didn't happen, shifting responsibility for abusive behavior, saying you asked for it or caused it.
8. Economic Control: Interfering with your work or not letting you work, refusing to give you or taking your money, taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car, threatening to report you to welfare or other social service agencies.
9. Self-Destructive Behavior: Abusing drugs or alcohol, threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm, deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g. telling off the boss).
10. Isolation: Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives, monitoring phone calls, telling you where you can and cannot go.
11. Harassment: Making uninvited visits or calls, following you, checking up on you, embarrassing you in public, refusing to leave when asked.

Acts of Violence



12. Intimidation: Making angry or threatening gestures, using physical size to intimidate, standing in the doorway during arguments, out shouting you, driving recklessly.
13. Destruction: Destroying your possessions (e.g. furniture or clothes), punching walls, throwing and/or breaking things.
14. Threats: Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others.
15. Sexual Violence: Degrading treatment or discrimination based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force, threats, or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts.
16. Physical Violence: Being violent to you, your children, household pets or others; slapping, punching, grabbing, kicking, choking, pushing, biting, burning, stabbing, shooting, etc.
17. Weapons: Using weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you, threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love.

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